Thursday, February 11, 2010

From A New Perspective

It recently dawned on me that our parents and family have suffered and grieved the loss of our Green Beans in a similar way that Josh and I have.  We didn’t just lose our children; my parents lost their grandbabies, my siblings lost their nieces and nephews, and so on...  Over the past year, I’ve been so consumed with our loss that I haven’t considered my family's feelings as much as I would have liked to.  Now that I am getting a (somewhat) clearer mind, I asked my parents to share their thoughts and feelings on the subject.  This is an important perspective that I think often gets ignored in all the chaos.  Beware – it’s a tear jerker (at least for me anyways).

My Daddy writes:

We thank God for Lauren, Josh, and their “Green Beans”. This past year has been a mixture of sadness and joy. The days of sorrow and crying have moved on to hours and then on to moments (though sometimes the hours return). By the grace of God we are now often filled with joy in knowing that Heidi, Lily, Paige and Rylan are walking with Jesus in Heaven. One day we will all meet in Heaven and get to know them better.

We are proud of Lauren and Josh. They worked relentlessly to save their babies. Many weeks were spent in the hospital and throughout Josh rarely left her side. We went to visit often and would spend a couple hours with them. Only once in a while would Josh take the opportunity to go check on things at home. He was never gone for long. He was with her day and night.

We saw Lauren suffer much physically lying in the head down – feet tilted up position. Her feet did not touch the ground for weeks. Eating and digesting was a struggle, but she persevered. She wanted these babies. The last few days were the worst. It was hard for us to watch the physical pain she endured especially from the Magnesium treatments. Even harder for us to see the emotional pain when she pPROM’d, hoping and hoping the babies would hold on. We had only been home a few hours when we got the call that the babies had come. When we arrived the babies were already still. We touched them as the nurses gently cleaned them and clothed them. Josh and Lauren had been able to hold them as they died in their arms, and were now exhausted and thoroughly drained. Soon after her release Lauren had to reenter the hospital. She was so ill and weak that we were facing the possibility of losing our sweet Lauren as well. After a couple days, thankfully, she began to recover and a few days later she was able to return home.

We thank God for all of you following their story on their website. Your prayers and comforting comments have been a help to Lauren and Josh and us also. It is wonderful to know that so many people care for them and their babies. We also pray that God will bless all of you especially those who have also suffered the loss of their babies.

We pray that God will bless Lauren and Josh with children again. We pray the Green Bean Angels will watch over them (Matthew 18:10b –“ For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven.”).

We are confident (John 6:23b – “the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord) that we will see them in heaven. What a grand reunion that will be!!

In God’s Love,

Gene and Fran


  1. Oh Lauren, your dad's letter is beautiful and I am filled with tears after reading it. I often wonder how my own family has felt about the loss of our girls, but I have been afraid to talk to them about it, worried that they will not care in the way that I do. Your dad's letter is very healing for me to see loss from a grandparent's perspective. Thank you for posting this. Praying for you guys...


  2. thank you for sharing that! I think everyone in your life was touched in some way or another. I hope you find comfort and support knowing that!

  3. This is a beautiful letter. I can't imagine your dad's pain. Watching you suffer and hoping and praying for a good outcome. Lots of love to him and to you Lauren x

  4. Very Beautiful. And I think it is only natural that you were so consumed with your loss.

  5. Lauren,
    Tears are falling after reading this. What an awesome dad you have (I too am a daddy's girl). Your dads words opened my eyes to the fact that our family members do grieve - probably as much as we do. Give your dad a big hug and tell him thanks for me.

  6. That is such a beautiful letter from your dad! **tears**

  7. That was absolutely beautiful!

  8. You are so right... Our family and friends suffer and mourn with us. It always touches me to hear others remember our children and my eyes filled with tears reading your parents' words.

  9. so beautiful....thank you for sharing that...

  10. Wow, tears are rolling down my cheeks. Thank you so much for sharing this!
    The green beans have touched so many people!!!

  11. i love your parents. i definitely had teary eyes reading that.


  12. Beautiful. You are blessed to have such loving, supportive parents. Thanks for sharing this with us.

  13. You know, I hadn't considered their loss either... What an eloquent letter your daddy wrote. I could clearly sense the love, sadness, and hope as I read those sweet sweet words.

  14. Lauren,

    *tears* This message was penned with the deep binding love that only a Father knows for his child. You are Loved :)

    What wonderful parents you were blessed with. And, GOD hand picked the most devoted husband a girl could ever ask for :)

    Someday, we will see our angels in Heaven...someday.

    Hugs and love and thank you for sharing something so personal and touching. May GOD richly bless you and your family.


  15. What a wonderful gift to give your parents the opportunity to write their feelings out and for you to hear things from their perspective.

    I know when the boys were born and Raleigh was transfered to All Children's on day two of his life I was beside myself and can barely remember those moments. My mom often retells the story so I can remember where we have been on those rough days, so I can stay positive too.

    I am sure reading your parents thoughts brings back different memories for you and Josh. All are very important for grieving and to remember your green beans.

    Thinking of you often and sending you some of our strength! You are blessed and will continue to be!
    ~Brooke and the boys

  16. There are definitely tears in my eyes right now. You so lucky to have such a wonderful family & they are incredibly blessed to have you! I can't imagine how proud they are of you; they raised such a strong, amazing person! I love you guys & your Green Beans!!

  17. I've almost never heard your dad cry but during this time he could barely speak through the tears. You are loved and so are your greenbeans

  18. Your dads letter was so touching and sweet. Sometimes I forget to that Im not the only one grieving for my angels. BTW stop by my blog when you get a minute, there is a suprise there for you in honor of your greenbeans. Happy Valentines!

  19. That is a tear jerker and very beautiful. Your Green Beans were loved by everyone, just like everyone loves you guys.

  20. I'm so glad the letter was written and for sharing it with us. It is easy to forget in our own grief that our families have also lost someone special.