Blah.

I’m not going to sugar coat this.  This was the worst Mother’s Day ever.  Last year, Josh and I tired our best to go with the flow.  Go to brunch, have a nice relaxing day together, but still it felt really weird.  Now one year later, it’s Mother’s Day, and every minute of it hurts.  I just don’t feel like I belong.  Mother’s Day is a day that Dads and kids show their love and appreciation for their hard working Mom.  That is not me.  I don’t do any of those daily duties for my children; I don’t do their laundry, cook, or clean for them.  It’s just a day that makes me feel alone and awkward. 

Mother’s of angels already have too many days as it is that remind us of our babies.  For me, Mother’s Day was just like rubbing salt in the wound.  I HOPE this is my last depressing and lonely Mother’s Day.  I don’t even want to think about what things will be like next year if I’m still like this.
Feeling this way also takes me away from celebrating MY Mom on Mother’s Day, and it’s not fair.  I can’t get past the awkwardness and the sadness, so I don’t really say or do much.  I was able to get through this morning pretty well, and my parents, Josh and I went to church and then had a nice lunch at our house afterwards.  It was nice, but I was glad to retreat to the couch for the majority of the day afterwards.

I really do appreciate all the “Mother’s Day” wishes that I was sent.  It’s sweet of you to think of me, and to remember my Green Beans.  I know I’m still considered a Mother, but it’s just not the same as having a child in your arms on a day like this.