Today's a day dedicated to talking about the babies we've lost. It’s a day to remind us all that it's okay to talk about them at any time, even though it's easy to just keep quiet to avoid the awkwardness.
I've been meaning to write about my precious Green Beans for awhile now. I don't blog about them often, but that doesn't mean they aren't on my mind. One of the things that keeps me from writing about them is because it’s all so complicated. My thoughts about them are usually pretty fragmented, but here it goes anyway…
Grief is a part of me. It’s a part of who we will be forever. It's not what I would I have chosen for my life, but God had other plans. I now see it as a blessing to have this as a part of me. This experience has brought me closer to God. Its also provided me this platform to connect with you all and to share my story. My little Green Bean's had more of an impact on us than I ever imagined. In their few short minutes of life here on Earth, they changed me for ever. They also had a positive impact on tens of thousands of people; for that, I am eternally thankful.
It's easy to doubt God in this situation. When hundreds of thousands of prayers were made all over the world for us, and our babies still died, it is hard to see God's doing in all this. My faith and trust that God is good helps me see past that. I know that God is good and that more good will come from this. It will for all of you that have experienced a huge loss. God’s doings are so much bigger than we can conceive of. I believe that our gifts will be ever so present to us in Heaven.
God has blessed us with one of the most beautiful gifts ever... Taylor Elise. He made Josh and I parents to a baby here on Earth and helped fill that void in our hearts. My Green Bean's have given me a better appreciation for life and increased my faith in God. That's such a gift.
I believe that we will be reunited with our children again one day in Heaven and all will be perfect. In the meantime, we may experience sadness and hurt here on Earth, but it will all be worth it in the end… My Green Beans not only give me a day of hope; they give me a life of hope.