Monday, February 23, 2009

not a happy ending

As most of you have already read on Josh's Blog, I was rushed to the L&D floor Saturday night due to contractions. I was really scared, and had been advised that delivering Baby B was inevitable. Her bag was bulging into the birth canal, and I was 4cm dilated. After a horrible night spent on Magnesium ( to try to stop the labor), she was still determined to come just 2 weeks to early. Finally, we decided to discontinue the Mag late Sunday night and let nature take its course.  At around 1am I delivered baby B - Lily Nicole (who is named after
Josh's grandma, Lillian). Just as things were getting tied up after her delivery, I got another horrible contraction. The doctors quickly scanned me with the ultrasound machine and saw that now C & D had moved to the birth canal and had to be delivered. The labor was
too strong and there was no way to stop them. In total disbelief, I followed the doctor's instructions and delivered C (Paige Elise) & D (Rylan Otto) minutes later. The NICU team was standing by to check each baby, but their lungs were not developed enough to resuscitate.

Josh and I got to hold all the babies, and the nurses dressed them up and took pictures. They were all fully formed, just a little too young still to enter this world. As you can imagine, I am in shock still and my heart will be broken forever. It's really hard for me to understand why God would put us through this. He says He'll only give us what we can handle, but I find that hard to believe right now.

I am so grateful that no matter what I have Josh by my side. He has been so supportive throughout all of this. I am also so, so thankful for my family for helping us out and continuing to pray. I know I can always count on them. I am also so thankful for all our loyal blog followers who continue to send encouraging notes and prayers. All the support has been amazing, and we couldn't have gotten this far without each and everyone of you.


•Sent from my iPhone•

194 comments:

  1. Bless your heart....lots of thoughts and prayers from Allen, Texas

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  2. As a mother i cannot imagine what you are going through! I want you to know that i have prayed for you and josh an your 4 babies for a long time. Please know that i will continue to pray for you all! There are no words to make you feel any better. I only hope you 2 can work through this the best as you can.

    A mom in Minnesota

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  3. I'm so sorry Lauren. There are no words I can say to comfort you and Josh. Just know that I am praying for you and for your angels. I have asked my blog readers to pray as well. I hope that is ok. http://tubrequads.blogspot.com/2009/02/were-still-here-and-prayers-requested.html

    Jac

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  4. Lauren,
    My heart aches for you. You have been an exemplary mother, doing everything in your power for these babies. I am so sorry for your loss, so sorry for your pain... just, so very sorry. You continue to fill my thoughts and prayers.
    Love,
    Jenna

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  5. We are so saddened by the news & devastated that anyone would have to endure such heartache.

    May they rest in peace and our hope is for you and Josh to find peace with this eventually too.


    Brooke, TBA MoMs

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  6. Oh Lauren I am so sorry. I'm not really sure what to say. My heart is breaking with you and for you and your family. I will continue to pray for you!

    God Bless

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  7. Lo,
    Know that we love you, God loves you. He will carry you through this time.
    I am sorry for the loss of sweet Heidi, Lilly, Paige and Rylan

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  8. I am praying for you guys and your families. Please take care of yourselves as you grieve and know that God has His own plan for those precious babies.

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  9. I commented on Josh's blog thinking you would not have written yet, but I want you to know how my heart goes out to you both. I know how hard you fought to keep those babies in until viability. My prayers will be with you and your family.

    Much love,
    UNC NICU RN Dawn

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  10. My heart goes out to you. There are no words. Sending lots of prayers.

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  11. My heart is breaking for you and Josh right now. I have been praying for you all since I started following your blog. I can not begin to imagine what you are going through right now but one thing I have learned from yours and Joshs blogs is that you two are an incredible support system for each other and somehow you are going to make it through this. I will continue to send many thoughts and prayers your way during this very difficult time.

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  12. Lauren, my heart is breaking with you and for you. I'm so sorry your journey has ended like this. I'm just happy that YOU are OK.

    There's something I read recently about these horrible situations when it comes to faith. It's not that God wants these things to happen; He's as heartbroken as you are. But it IS within his power to comfort you and Josh, through family, friends and the peace He can restore inside you. I pray you feel that peace soon.

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  13. I am so sorry for your loss. There are just no words. I'll be thinking of you all!

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  14. im so sorry for your loss. Your in my prays.

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  15. I am so sorry for your loss...I can't even imagine what you are going through - I have been following your blog for about a month now and have had you all in my prayers. I will continue to pray for you both during this difficult time.

    Kathy in Texas

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  16. I'm so sorry for your loss, words just really don't seem like enough. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Lori A. (TBAMOMS)

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  17. We are so very sorry. Your babies were special and unique, as are you and Josh. Please let me know if you need anything - day or night. I mean it! You all continue to be in our thoughts and prayers. Sherry & Yuri.

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  18. oh lauren...my heart aches for you, josh, and your sweet little baby angels. i am so, SOOO very sorry. i cannot even begin to imagine your pain. please be comforted in knowing that there are thousands of people praying for you all across the world right now...lifting you up and sending all the positive energy my little heart can produce.

    hugs from texas,
    suz steece

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  19. lauren - i've been praying for you for several weeks now...this is a journey i never wanted you to have to take...

    please know i am here to talk/vent/cry, whatever...i'm still new to this whole grief thing only being almost one year out but its been an incredibly hard year and yet a year of extreme growth.

    ((hugs)) dear friend i have never met. know i am holding you in my thoughts and prayers...

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  20. Oh Lauren, I'm so sorry. I can't imagine the heartbreak you and Josh must be feeling right now. I hope somehow with the support of each other, your family and friends that you will find the strength to get through this terrible time. I will pray for you all everyday.

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  21. We have never met, but you are so near and dear to my heart. I am so very sorry. My heart is breaking for you. Please know that you will continue to be in my prayers.

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  22. Lauren,
    I am so sorry for your loss. I am keeping all of you in my prayers. I cna't begin to imagine the pain & emotions you are going thru.
    Sending you lots of love & prayers,
    Misty

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  23. Praying you feel God's presence and lean on Him as much as you can. So sorry.

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  24. Lauren and Josh,

    I recently started reading your blog and have been praying for your tiny ones and for you. Please know that people are praying for you and may God see you through.

    The Lord bless you and keep you,
    the Lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you.
    the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.
    Numbers 6:24-26

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  25. My heart is broken for you. I am very sorry for the loss of all of your angels. Please know that you all have been and will continue to be in my prayers!

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  26. My heart is breaking for you. I have been following your story since before you lost your first little mircle. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Carla

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  27. I am so sorry for your loss. I don't think I'd have the right words to say to you now, so I'll say nothing more. You guys have been and continue to be in my prayers.

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  28. Lauren - I totally get the feeling knowing that God won't give you any more than you can bear - yet not understanding that at the present time. I often say I wish He didn't have such a high opinion of me! I do know that He loves you and will comfort you. I also know that he is grieving with you...remember - His son was crucified and He had to watch (even knowing the plan - he grieved).

    We at Numara Software love you and are praying for you. Let us know if we can do anything.

    Connie

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  29. Josh and Lauren...

    I have been out of the country but I have been following your blog to keep up. I am sorry that we haven't been able to give more in person support, but please know that all of he Gleason family is praying for you!

    I absolutely cannot even imagine your pain, but please allow yourself to feel it for a while. You don't have to be strong. Greive. Let us know anything that we can do to help you. I am so very sorry for the losses of A, B, C, and D.

    Hugs from across the world...

    Amy G

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  30. Lauren, I am so sorry - losing all four babies is heart breaking. You worked so hard to keep those babies. I pray that God will hold you closer and show you that he is in control and some how heal your hurts and your body. I don't understand why it happened as I am sure you don't either. My prayers are for you and your family as you go through this painful time.

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  31. I am so sorry for your loss! You are in our thoughts and prayers!

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  32. I am so so sorry. I wish there was something that I could say or do that would help. I will continue praying for your family. My heart just breaks for you. I am so sorry.

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  33. Hi Lauren and Josh,
    I just wanted to say I am so sorry that things turned out this way. I had thought it a wonderful miracle that you were able to keep the three babies safe in side after losing your first little one. It breaks my heart to read that your journey has ended this way. I am thankful that you are healthy and hope you recover quickly. I know there is nothing that will ease your pain. Please know you have a huge community of readers following your story and praying that you find some peace with this situation. All your sweet angels are back together and will remain together always.

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  34. We are so sorry for you loss! You are in our thoughts and Prayers.

    April and Jason

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  35. I have been a silent reader for some time now and have been continually praying for you and the babies. My heart is breaking for you and Josh. I pray that you find the peace of God's love for you during this time and the love of your family and friends to lift you up during this very sad and difficult time.

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  36. I am so very sorry for your loss... I have been reading your blog and I have ptayed for you and your husband and those babies, your angel babies. I will continue to pray for healing and peace. Blessings to you all... Tessa in West Texas

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  37. I am so very sorry for your loss. I had been praying and praying for a miracle for you and your babies. My heart breaks for you. *hug*

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  38. Lauren, I'm sorry. I will pray for you and Josh.

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  39. Lauren and Josh,
    My heart aches for both of you. My husband and I lost our son due to complications from PROM. You are not alone with this grief and in time that will give you some comfort. My prayers are with you during this very difficult time in your lives.

    Blessings,
    Angie

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  40. There is really no way for anyone to know what you are going through. We do not know what God's plan was at all, nor is it easy to accept his plan when you are experiencing so much heartbreak. The only words of condolances I can offer is that your children would have been just as content being born with you as a mother. However, that was not the plan God had in mind so by trusting him you will accept what you can not change. As an earthly parent you did the most you could do without sacraficing one baby for another. You gave all of your children an equal chance at being born. To me, that makes a strong person who obviously was meant to be a great mother.

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  41. Lauren,
    You and your husband and your families are in my prayers. I am just heartbroken for you both. Lifting you both up to Jesus at this time.
    I pray God send you peace and surrounds you with love right now.
    God Bless you and your broken heart...
    Love in Christ,
    Mandye Flowers

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  42. Lauren & Josh,

    I've been following your blog for a few weeks now, hoping and praying for your little ones. I am so sorry to hear that your adventure that began with learning you had 4 little babies growing within has ended so sadly. Praying for God's comfort in these days and His hope for the future.

    Marie

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  43. I'm so glad you got to meet and love on your babies after they were born. It was such a short time, but you'll cherish it forever. Be comforted knowing the Lord is cradling them in his arms right now and also in knowing that you and Josh did EVERYTHING in your power.
    I hope you both feel the love and prayers from so many people. We are all grieving with you.

    Love,
    Moni

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  44. Lauren- I'm so sorry that you have to know a pain like this. I can't even begin to imagine how your heart is aching. Don't let anyone tell you how to grieve- each person heals differently. There are no answers or words that others can say that will make you whole again, but eventually your heart, mind, and soul will be able to start healing you from the outside to the inside.

    I'm sorry I can't do or say more because when I put myself in your shoes, it's like the wind being knocked out of me.

    Thank you for sharing your story and putting your heart on your sleeve- you are very, very brave and I hope you'll find some peace soon.

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  45. Lauren and Josh,
    We've never met, but my husband and I have been prayerfully following your updates for several weeks. I am so saddened to hear about what has happened. You guys are awesome parents. You did everything you possibly could to keep your babies from coming early. Lauren, you were so patient and dedicated to lay there inverted and still make sure you ate well for your babies. The names you chose for them are really beautiful. I'm glad you were able to spend a little time with each of them. I can't imagine your pain, but I pray that the Lord will comfort you, knowing that you will soon have eternity to get to know them. I pray that the Lord will bind up these wounds in time and heal your hearts.

    I am so sorry.

    Love,
    Katy (in California)

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  46. my heart hurts for you as it did and still does for my daughter who lost her son at 21 1/2 weeks two years ago,,i believe u both were chosen to by god to give birth to angels,,reasons i can not explain but know that they will be watching over u,,and one day watching over their siblings,,hold each other tight and keep your faith through this,,lots of love from a grandmother of an angel to the mother of 4 angels

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  47. Josh & Lauren, I am so so so so sorry! I have never cried so hard for someone who I have never met... I am very proud of your sacrifises you have made, You two are wonderful parents!!! Please Let me know if I can do anything for you even over here in Utah. I love you two!! XOXOXO
    Jen

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  48. So sory to hear this, we all are praying for you. Please let me know if you need anything. We love you guys.

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  49. Oh friend I am SO sorry to hear this :( I am so sad for you. My heart breaks. :(

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  50. I am so sorry to hear about your losses. I also lost one of my babies in May when she was delivered too early at 20 1/2 weeks. If you want to talk I am here for you.

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  51. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm praying for you and Josh.

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  52. I have been following you through the tubrequads page and gosh I can't even find words to say. I know that nothing can be said to heal the hurting, but I'd like you to know that you're in my thoughts and prayers.

    Kristi
    Lafayette,LA

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  53. I am praying for you. I understand part of what you are going through. We buried our first child because she was boorn too early and could make it in this world. So sorry for your loss.

    Tara
    Mom to Gabby (6/9/06 - 6/11/06) and Isaac (bn 8/18/07)

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  54. Dear Lauren & Josh -
    No words can ease your pain,
    nor can words explain,
    the loss of four sweet lives
    that cuts your soul like knives.
    Know that the Lord is near
    and wants you not to fear
    or think that He has left
    not caring that you're bereft.
    For God who sent His Son
    knows what this loss has done
    in your hearts and minds
    as the grief numbs and blinds.
    He grieves with you in this pain
    and over time will make you whole again.
    Do not despair but trust
    in God alone - for He is just
    and faithful and true
    and will indeed comfort you.

    Our prayers are with you as you make this dark journey of faith.

    Blessings - Mary & Hugh Tebault

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  55. Lauren,
    You have been a champion through out this long process. I'm so sorry for you and Josh that this happened.
    Ellen Lyons

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  56. I am so, so sorry for you and your family. Still praying.

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  57. Lauren and Josh,
    We are praying for you during this hard time. We lost our son Jaxon to Trisomy 18. Just remember God is in control and to rely on each other to make it through. I know it hurts but there will be light at the end of the tunnel. We will continue to pray for your babies and you both.

    Blessings and Love,
    Melissa

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  58. Oh Lauren, I am so sorry. I feel so bad for you, my heart is so broken. I don't know what to say.

    We are praying for you and Josh.

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  59. Oh Lauren, I am so sorry. I feel so bad for you, my heart is so broken. I don't know what to say.

    We are praying for you and Josh.

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  60. Lauren and Josh...I am so very sorry about the babies. I will continue to pray for your family. My heart is breaking for you right now.

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  61. I am so sorry for your loss. Please know that I will keep you and your husband in my thoughts and prayers.

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  62. You, your babies, and your family are in my prayers. I pray you find peace and healing.

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  63. i am so sorry for all of you. i can't even say more than that. i am so sorry, i don't understand.

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  64. Lauren,

    I know that I am a complete stranger, but my heart breaks for you. I am so sorry for your loss.

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  65. Oh Lauren, I'm so sorry to read this post. My heart broke when I read it. My thoughts and prayers are with you and Josh. I'm thankful that you got to spend time with your babies. You'll cherish those memories and pictures forever.

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  66. I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your precious babies. Our family will be praying for you and your family.

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  67. Lauren & Josh,

    No Mother and Father should ever have the endings you two have had. I offer you many, many, prayers, love, and support. I only wish I could take away the pain, if even for just a moment.

    HUGS!
    Tara

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  68. I am so sorry for your loss. Here is a blog I have been reading. It is about a mother who lost her 14 month old in a drowning accident. She has much insight and uplifting messages in her blog. This directly answers/explains your question about god not giving you more than you can handle: http://adailyscoop.blogspot.com/2009/02/more-than-i-can-handle.html

    Good luck. With love from Kentucky

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  69. I am so saddened by your incredible loss. I will pray for you and your little angels who are now in heaven

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  70. I am praying for you, Josh and your families.

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  71. I read the prayer request for your family at Kelly's site. I am praying for you this afternoon.

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  72. Oh bless your heart. God comfort and hold and keep you. I lost one at 24 weeks. Devastating. I cannot imagine losing four. Praying for you and just so, so, sorry.

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  73. I am so sorry for your loss. I wish I knew the right words to ease your pain. I will keep everyone in thoughts and prayers. I have been a silent reader for the past 3 weeks. Delurking.

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  74. I am very sorry for your losses! You and your family are in our prayers! God bless!

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  75. I'm sorry doesn't seem adequate.

    Praying for you and your family during this most difficult time.

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  76. I just found your sight via another site (Harper's site) and just wanted to stop and say I am so sorry for your loss and I will continue to pray for you and your husband as you guys begin to heal from this.

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  77. Bonzo the BarbarianFebruary 23, 2009 at 3:50 PM

    sorry for the loss of your beautiful babies, who are now in heaven watching mommy & daddy from above. Your angels will be prayed for. ((((hugs)))) & strength to you and your husband.
    Bonnie J.

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  78. Kelly from Kelly's Corner posted that you need prayers so I went to your blog... I am so sorry to hear about your sweet angels! I lost my 2nd daughter at 23 weeks. It is an unbearable feeling, and I am so sorry you have to go thru this 4x over!!! God is good and He will be with you and your hubs. I will pray for you and your sweet babies!

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  79. I am so sorry for your loss. I will be praying for you both.

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  80. Oh, my heart aches for you guys. I am so sorry for all that you have gone through in the recent weeks. Sending all of our good thoughts and prayers your way.

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  81. I came across your blog from Kelly's Korner. I cannot imagine what you are going through, but I wanted to let you know that I am praying for you right now. That the Lord heals your brokeness - in both body and spirit, and wraps you with His comfort and peace.

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  82. My heart is so heavy. We will be committing your family to prayer. May God surround you with His peace and presence as you face this incredibly dark time. Proverbs 3:5,6

    The Murray Family
    Jen, Brad, Isaac, Henry, Clark, and Brooks

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  83. I am so sorry for your loss. You and your husband are in our prayers.

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  84. I can't even begin to express my sorrow for your loss. I pray that God gives you and your family strength and understanding as you grieve. I am so sorry.

    In Him - Kelli

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  85. I am so sorry. I am new to your blog today and my heart is just broken for you. You have my thoughts and prayers.

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  86. I am so sorry, you and your family will be in my prayers.

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  87. We are so sorry.... Your little angels are loved by so many. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and Josh.

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  88. I AM SOOOOO SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR LOSS!!! I have been only following your blog for about 2 weeks now and have been praying like crazy for you. I hope you'll find peace and know your sweet angels are watching over you & Josh right now. PRAYING FOR YOU!!!

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  89. i came from harper's momma's blog, kelly, to offer you my prayers. i will certainly keep you all close on my prayers as you go thru this difficult time.

    greater is He that is in us than he that is in the world. 1 john 4:4

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  90. I have spent the last hour reading your story. You have been such a wonderful mother - doing all that you could do to keep your sweet babies in. I am so sorry for the loss of these 4 little ones. I pray you, Josh, and your families feel the hands of God around you. He has a plan - I look forward to continuing to follow your journey. He is not finished.

    Love,
    Mary Lindsey

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  91. I am so sorry. I found your blog through Kelly's Korner. Please know that I will be praying for you and your husband.

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  92. Kelly (Kelly's Korner)had you listed in need of prayer. I am so saddend by your loss I pray to God he will ease your pain. I did some back reading on your blog and you tried so hard to make it. Praying for you.
    Patricia

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  93. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  94. I am so very sorry for your loss - may the Lord give you strength in this very difficult time.

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  95. Lauren,
    I came over to visit via Kelly's blog. I am so terribly sorry for you loss Lauren. I cannot even begin to imagine. I pray and pray that the you FEEL the Lord near you during this hard time. I pray for patience, understanding and faith.

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  96. I am so very sorry. I lost my baby at 23 weeks last year, and I understand the feelings you are going through. Just know that I will be praying for you and your husband. And Jesus is holding your babies close in His arms.
    Alyson

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  97. oh my goodness, I am just so sorry for your loss. I said a prayer for you and all your babies. May they rest in peace.

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  98. Asking GOD to comfort you ALL during this time.

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  99. Lauren - I found your blog through Kelly's Korner. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I cannot even begin to imagine going through something like this. I am praying for you and your husband. Christ will carry you through this.

    Alison

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  100. I've been reading for a couple weeks

    I am crying, I am very sorry, I am praying for you

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  101. Lauren,
    I don't know you, but I read about you on Kelly's blog. I am so sorry for your loss and will be praying for you and your husband and your family.

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  102. So sorry for your loss. I cannot even begin to imagine your pain. Continue to lean on the Lord, and his Spirit will strengthen you.

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  103. Many, many prayers being sent up for you and Josh. Many hugs sent to you from KS.

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  104. I am so sorry for your huge loss. My heart is breaking for you.

    Sheryl

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  105. My heart and my PRAYERS are with you!

    "Jehovah Shalom" is our "Prince of Peace"!

    Vickie from Alabama

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  106. Prayers sent your way...

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  107. my heart absolutely aches in Every way for you during this time. i literally hurt for you- having lost a child myself this pain is just unbearable.. Keep your eyes on Jesus for HE has an amazing plan for your lives!! May you feel peace at this very difficult time and know that there are people ALL over blog land praying just for YOU!! Sending So much love from Georgia!

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  108. I am sorry. I can't imagine your pain.
    I will be praying for you.
    Lizzie
    www.adustyframe.com

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  109. I am so sorry, God Bless you and yours. I am praying for you!

    Tiffany Pifer
    http://thepiferfamily.blogspot.com/

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  110. Lauren,
    so sorry for your losses. at least you were able to deliver vaginally and avoid a surgery (csection). and who else can say that they delivered quads vaginally! way to go mama! rest up and heal.

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  111. My sister lost her first baby at 22 weeks. Understanding why was her hardest obstacle, and looking at all her friends & family who were having healthy babies. It's been 7 years, and she has 3 beautiful girls, but Skyler Jewel remains in our hearts forever. I'm praying for you!

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  112. oh please tell me that you were given an epidural or some heavy duty pain meds to push out 4 babies thru your crotch! Ouch!

    oh , what were the birth weights and lengths?

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  113. I am so very very sorry for you and your husband's loss. I will be praying for peace for both of you.
    God Bless you're little tiny angels.
    Lori
    PS - Ignore that anonymous comment above. What an idiot.

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  114. So sorry to hear of your loss. You're in my prayers.

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  115. We have been following your blog for a while now and praying so hard that things would work out for you all. I got the msg last night of the passing of your babies and couldn't get you off my mind. My heart is breaking for you. I don't know what to say but please know that you and Josh are in our thoughts and prayers!

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  116. There is little more that I can say other than I am so very sorry. I can't even begin to imagine how hard this loss is on you. You are in my thoughts and prayers as you navigate your difficult journey.

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  117. I am praying for you. May you feel God's presence during this time.

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  118. Even though I don't know you, as a mother I feel your pain. I pray for you and your husband that God will give you peace, comfort, and strength to get through this enormous trial.

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  119. I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. I've been praying for you, your husband and your precious little ones since I learned of your situation through Danielle Crawford. I'll continue to pray now that God will help you through this terrible tragedy.
    God bless.

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  120. Please know you are in my prayers! I am so sorry for your loss.

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  121. Praying for you and your fmaily~

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  122. Hi from Oklahoma, I like so many others try and express how terrible we feel for you and your sweet hubby but words fail. I know your heart is breaking and your arms are acheing and only The Father can bring the kind of peace to your heart that truely heals. So my cowboy and I will pray,and leave you with The Father knowing He will make things right. Keep blogging when you can because so many people care. Your rainbow will come when you least expect it. Hugs cj aka carla or nannie of 4

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  123. I, too, am here through Kelly's blog. While I cannot begin to imagine your heartache and grief, I will pray that God brings you peace and comfort at such a sad time.

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  124. I have been a silent reader for a few weeks. I will continue to pray for your family. May the Lord be with you.
    My sincerest condolences, Jessica

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  125. I am so so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

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  126. So sorry to hear of the loss of your children my prayers are with you and your husband.

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  127. I don't have any words that will make it stop hurting, but I will absolutely keep praying for you and Josh as you grieve your precious babies. May God carry you through this otherwise impossible time.

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  128. I had never heard of you or your situation until a friend on facebook gave a link to your blog today. I am so sorry for your loss, and can't imagine what you might be going through. Everyone's situation is different; don't let anyone tell you how to grieve or that they know exactly what you are going through. I'll be praying for you and will pass the word along to others so that you might feel God's arms wrapped around you over the next several weeks and months. My uncle just created a website for grieving parents: www.kelseyshope.com if you need support when you are ready. Take care & God bless.

    melissa (mwoodswt@hotmail.com)

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  129. Our hearts are breaking for you and will keep you in our prayers daily! So very sorry to hear this news!

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  130. lauren,
    i just found your blog on kelly's korner. i found out on friday i had lost my baby, and had a d&c this morning. i was only 11 weeks. my heart is breaking for you-your pain is times 4. i guess we just have to hold on to the hope that God sees the bigger picture here and has a plan that is for our good, but it sure sucks in the meantime, not knowing WHY. you are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  131. I am so sorry for you both-I pray God gives you peace. I will keep you in my prayers.
    lori

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  132. As someone who has lost a baby, and held her in my arms, feeling that incredible ache... I wanted to let you know, if you need anything, other than prayers, like just to talk or vent or pray, let me know. It does get less painful, but it takes a while. I'm praying for you. Grieving for your four precious babies. Hugs.

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  133. I am here from Kelly's blog also. I am just speechless, but can only pray that the Lord would wrap you both in His comforting arms & give you His peace that surpasses all understanding.

    Blessings to you.


    Kelly Buller

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  134. So sorry to hear of your horrible loss. I pray for you comfort and strength for you and your husband thru this time. God bless.

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  135. I stumbled across your blog today and I wanted to let you know that I will keep you in my prayers. My husband and I lost our first baby in December 07 at 24 weeks so I understand a portion of what you are going through. God bless you and your family.

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  136. I linked to your blog through Kelly's Korner... just wanted you to know that I am praying for comfort for you, Josh and your families in this time of grief. The Lord is with you; He is mighty to save.
    -- Kimberly

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  137. I am so sorry to hear about your losses. I just came across your blog today and quickly caught up on your story. Thinking of you and Josh
    Erika, NICU RN from IL

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  138. I know that there are no words that will make you feel better right now...all I can say is I'm so sorry and that is so inadequate...I will continue to pray for you and Josh as you grieve the loss of your precious babies...love and prayers from Boerne, Tx.

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  139. My thoughts and prayers are with you. So is God. ♥

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  140. I am so incredably sorry to hear of your loss.
    You are in my prayers.
    (((HUGS))
    Catherine

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  141. I've been reading your blog for a couple of weeks now and I was really praying for that happy ending for you and Josh. I know you may have lost your faith in God at this time, and who can blame you. Why you? Why now? Why,Why,Why? I have also lost 3 children. I believe I will be with those babies again someday and also believe they are watching of me, my husband and my 2 happy, healthy children we have now. Someday we will all be together. As you and Josh and your babies will all be together someday. But for now they are your Angels you no one can take those Angels away from you. And please don't lose hope!!!! God will give that happy ending someday, I know not soon enough, but you will get!!! You and Josh are wonderful people and it will happen, please don't lose faith in that.

    Thinking, praying and sending lots of love from Minnesota.

    Leah

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  142. I know there are lots of why's and what if's in your mind at this moment. Please know that my heart feels your pain. Our family has been touch by your strenth and faith in God's will. Please don't give up. Hang in there. It is hard to believe now but God does have a plan. As cruel as it may seam today, you will one day know the meaning behind all of this. Our family is here for you in any way we can help. We never met in person but still feel very close to you and Josh. May your little angels watch over you, now and forever.
    Tais and Chris Richardson

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  143. Lauren,
    I started following your blog about a month ago and have had you in my thoughts and prayers. I am so sorry to hear of all that you and Josh have gone thru with this pregnancy. I pray that God will provide you with comfort and guidance thru this.

    Jamie

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  144. Lauren, I can't even begin to express how very sorry I am. You will navigate through your grief each day with the love and support of all your family and friends, and especially Josh. Like the others said, your little angels will always be watching over you and be within your hearts. We love you and are here for you at any time & in any way whenever you're ready.

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  145. I am so sorry to hear the horrible news. My prayers go out to you and Josh.

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  146. I am also coming to you from Kelly's blog. My heart breaks for you and your terrible loss. Please know that there are strangers out here who have and will continue to be praying for you and your family. God be with you.

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  147. I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your precious children. I know that Heidi, Lily, Paige and Rylan will be in your hearts forever. I posted a link on Josh's blog, but wanted to share it here as well. I recevied a ton of support from CLIMB - the Center for Loss in Multiple Birth. Their website is Climb-support.org. You are all in my prayers.

    You are in our prayers.

    Jennifer

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  148. I want to tell you how sorry I am- my heart is breaking for you both right now.

    My identical twin daughters were stillborn seven months ago due to TTTS, and losing them has been unbelievably hard. My heart goes out to you as you cope with this very tragic, incredibly painful loss.

    A few months ago, I started a free private online support message board for moms who have lost babies- many of whom have lost multiples between 20 and 24 weeks. I welcome you to sign up whenever you're ready- the url is: butterflyhaven.org

    Again, I am so sorry. There aren't words to describe the pain you're going through- and my heart is just so broken for you and your family.

    Love,
    Erika

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  149. We are so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the pain you must be experiencing. Know that you are being uplifted in prayer. God bless.

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  150. If I said I know and understand what you're going through, that would be a lie. I couldn't even imagine, but please please know that you're in my prayers!!!!!

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  151. I'm another who has been quietly watching and praying through the last several weeks. You and your family will continue to be in our prayers. I'm so very sorry for your losses.

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  152. I am so sorry to hear of your loss.

    Praying for you in this time of sorrow.

    God bless you.

    Julie

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  153. Dear Lauren,
    I am so terribly sorry for your loss. Praying for you in this very sad time. May God comfort you as only He can.
    Love from Texas,
    Holly

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  154. Lauren,
    My heart grieves for you at the loss of your precious babies. We are praying that the peace of God will wrap around you like a blanket in the midst of what must feel absolutely insurmountable.

    A big hug from Colorado,
    Thea

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  155. I am absolutely devastated for you. What a horrifying loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

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  156. I just found your blog through another one (can't remember where) and I just wanted to let you know that you, your family, and your precious babies are in my prayers.

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  157. Dear Lauren,

    I sent you an email, but I just want you to know that you and your husband are in my prayers. I lost a baby at 36 weeks and it was devastating. My heart breaks for your loss times 4. May you somehow find the strength you need to get through the days ahead and the many difficult decisions you will have to make. I'm going to keep checking on you. Praying diligently for you....

    Tonya

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  158. I am so sorry for your loss. Our prayers are with you and your family. I don't have the words to make you feel better, but I wanted to make sure you knew that there were people thinking about you.

    AC

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  159. I am so sorry for your loss. I am still praying for you and that God will give you peace during this tough time. He will get you guys through this.

    Michelle

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  160. I am SO sorry to hear about your babies. I don't know you or your family, but I came across your blog from another blog I follow. Unfortunately your story is all to familiar as my sister and her husband lost their triplet boys in May. As I read your blog entries it just brought back so many memories (the Mag, bedrest, etc.) She was at 23 weeks. I know my pain as an Aunt, I can't imagine your pain as parents. Please know that total strangers are praying for you and your family. May God guide you and comfort you during this difficult time.

    Love and prayers,
    Christina Gomez
    www.caringbridge.org/visit/brannockfamily

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  161. Oh I am so incredibly sorry. Things like this are just so hard to understand. I will be holding you and your husband and extended family close in prayer.

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  162. My prayers are with you and your husband during this difficult time. I am so sorry for your loss and the pain you are feeling. I pray the Lord puts a hedge of protection over you and guards your hearts.

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  163. I can't even begin to understand your pain and I asked God "WHY?". I know he is in full control of what has happened but it is very hard to see any good reason in it right now. I pray that you find some peace in the coming days and I hope you come to an understanding that you can hold onto for all that has happened. Many prayers being said for you and your husband and for the rest of your grieving family.
    Hugs,
    AMY

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  164. So sorry for your loss of your precious babies. I am a mom of 4 ages 15, 11, 11, and 5. I lost 7 babies who are all waiting for me in heaven. I had to deliver my son Daniel at 20 weeks stillborn. I lost a set of twins 4 singles and the third baby that was in with my twins that are 11. It is just so difficult.
    Have hope and know that many are praying for you as you grieve. God Bless you.
    Do not let my name throw you-I am female--and no I do not know why my parents stuck me with a meale name.

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  165. precious girl...we are praying fervently for you. please be patient with yourself.

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  166. I am so sorry for your loss. I have been there myself losing a little one to the same situation(bulging bag and all). We were at 22 weeks just a tad too early. You will be in my thoughts and prayers,this takes a long time to heal.Bless you all

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  167. lauren...
    i came across your blog via Kelly's Korner;
    i want you and josh to know that you guys are in my prayers. i am going do a blog on you and your family...my friends and family are prayer warriors and they will definitely be praying for you.
    may our god give you both a peace that passes all of your understanding during this difficult time.

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  168. Havingtriplets.blogspot.com
    Cathy and Logan's story is very similar to yours. They are wonderful people, just like the two of you, and they may be able to help you through this very difficult time.

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  169. I just received the link to your blog from a friend of mine. My deepest sympathy goes out to you. I know words bring little comfort, but I pray that knowing you are in the thoughts and prayers of others will guide you through this difficult time.

    I also wanted to share something we discussed recently at Bible Study. Although we often say that God will not give us more then we can handle, one member of our group disagreed and said that God gives us more then we can bear ourselves so that we will turn on and lean on Him. I know it's not very comforting, but just rely on God and he will carry you through this time.

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  170. My heart goes out to you and your family! I have followed your story and have prayed and thought of you daily. May you and your family find peace.

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  171. I am so sorry to hear of your losses. I am heartbroken for you. I know there are no words, but I am praying that you will feel the Lord's peace & comfort surrounding you...
    -Erika in NH

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  172. I am so, so very sorry to hear of your losses. I suffered a second trimester miscarriage last month at almost 16 weeks along so I am somewhat familiar with the pain you are going through, but I cannot imagine losing 4 babies all at once and I am just so heartbroken for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family for peace and comfort from God during this devastating time.

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  173. Laren and Josh,

    I am sorry for your loss. We have all felt a part of your miracle tracking your success and set backs on the Blog. We often spent nights having Morgan read us your progress and were excited for you when you received good news as well as a little saddened by set backs. I'm reminded of a lesson my sunday school teacher left my class when I was about 10 years old, one sunday that helps to comfort me when sadness occurs to such a precious child as your four are.

    I was taught that children who do not survive the birth process are special spirits sent here to earth to only fullfill the requirement of obtaining a body. Upon achiving this they are secured eternal salvation by completing this one step not able to be completed in spirit form.

    I know they have great works to complete and will welcome both you and Josh in the next life, one day, when you have completed a full life here on earth.

    Take care.
    Mike Gleason

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  174. I just found your blog via the Walker Fore. I just want to tell you that you guys will be in our prayers. God has those little angels now. I can not imagine how you feel but know that people are thinking of you!
    Love, Cathy & her family

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  175. Lauren,

    My friend Jenn Holt asked for prayers for you on your blog and I just wanted you to know that I am sending some extra ones up for you.

    My daughter, Savannah, was stillborn last year at 35 weeks. I know I don't understad all that you have been through and will go through, but if you ever just need someone to "talk" to that understands a tiny bit of your pain feel free to email me: zeeneye@gmail.com

    I also have a blog set up for mommies of angel babies to connect with each other: http://latterdaykeepsakesangelbabies.blogspot.com/
    If you ever want your blog added to the link list or if you would like me to make a keepsake of your litle ones email me and I would be honored to.

    hugs,

    Sarah Garner

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  176. My heart goes out to you and your husband. I can't imagine the loss you are feeling right now. I will pray for you and your babies.
    God bless

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  177. My heart aches for you all.

    XOXO

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  178. Lauren & Josh,
    I just checked your site today and I am so very sorry.
    My prayers go out to you both.

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  179. I came across your blog thru another preemie Mom's blog. I am so sorry to hear of your losses. I can only imagine a small bit of your pain. Please know you are not alone. That's what helped us and our faith in God. For whatever the reason know your little ones have touched many lives. We will keep you all in our prayers.

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  180. I found your blog just by browsing and "blog stalking". My heart immediately dropped to the floor. I am so so so saddened by your story and I pray that you and your husband will some how, some time, find some peace.

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  181. Oh sweetie, I am so sorry. It doesn't say anywhere that God won't give us more than we can handle, but what it does say is He wants to carry your burdens for you. I pray you and your husband sense His comfort. I am so sorry for your loss.

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  182. My thoughts and prayers are with you. May the Lord wrap his loving arms around you and comfort you!!
    I am so sorry for your loss.

    Em
    from Australia

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  183. I am so sorry for your loss. My heart breaks for you and I cannot begin to imagine what you are going through. I just came across your blog and hope that you are finding strength and peace from God. I have also heard that God doesn't give us more than we can handle. I don't know if anyone is supposed to handle having to give back 4 babies to His care, but you can do all things through Christ who gives you strength. Maybe God gave you more than you are supposed to handle alone so He can carry your burden for you and so you have the blessing of seeing Him work in you and through you. You obviously are a blessing to many others, may you be given hope and comfort through this tragedy. I am so sorry.

    A Triplet mom in Iowa

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  184. What can we say at times like these?!?!?!
    We will be praying for you all.. My heart breaks hearing this news..
    May God give you the strength that is such a need at a time like these..

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  185. I just came across your blog and I am SO sorry for everything you have gone through. Just know you have many people praying for you.

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  186. I came across your blog, I copied your button. My prayers are with you and your family. God Bless.

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