I started writing this post weeks ago. I do that a lot actually; I’ll have a fragmented thought, so I quickly type it out, and then it sits. Sometimes I eventually complete the thought and post it. Other times they just sit in my draft folder.
I already had part of this post written, but I didn’t really know where I was going with it, so I didn’t finish it; until last Sunday. The message at church solidified my thoughts on this post and gave me more clarification. It was definitely God communicating with me through the church message.
I’m taking back the control of my life.
No longer am I going to let my fertility, or lack thereof, dictate my happiness in life. I’ve got to set this aside and live my life. Clearly God’s plan for me right now is not to have a child, so I’ve got to take a step back and let it go. I still believe that it WILL happen for us eventually, now (I guess) is just not the time. I feel like I should be focusing on other things in my life and not constantly thinking about it, worrying about it, hoping for it…. I need to focus on the life I have and all the blessings in my life; not dwell on the one thing I don’t have.
Last Sunday, I was reminded that happiness is related to God – the true joy. God is the source of joy and the key to true joy is to surrender what’s weighing on you. This theory can apply to all situations - It may not be your desire to have a baby, but it could be something else, or habit that you need to surrender. Surrender what you are trying to control and give it to God. It’s much easier said than done, but surrendering at least part of it for now is a good start in the right direction.
This was a pretty big deal for me to hear at church because of its timing. To have a portion of this post just sitting there, half written, and then to hear that the key to happiness and joy is to surrender, made it that much clearer to me that I do need to give this up.
I can’t control my life. Josh and I learned that the hard way as I laid in my hospital bed and we were unable to save our babies. Therefore, I have nothing to lose by surrendering this (or at least doing my best to try too).
Philippians 4 4:5 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.