Today is Heidi’s 5th heavenly birthday. So to commemorate her day, I thought I’d re-post her story…
July 27, 2009
I've been struggling with this post about Heidi a little because I didn't get a chance to "know" her like I did the other 3. I PPROM'd with Heidi at 17 weeks and then I had her at just 19 weeks gestation.
What I do know about Heidi, is that she is a very special girl. She came into this world a few weeks before my other 3, and when this happened I was of course very sad to lose her, but I felt in a way that was meant to be. I felt at peace with it and trusted in God’s plan. She made the ultimate sacrifice to give her brother and sisters more room to continue to grow and be strong. It was a really courageous thing to do. After I lost Heidi I got a cerclage and then spent a few weeks at home on strict bed rest. During those weeks, I was feeling really good and just focused on eating, sleeping, and doing everything I could to allow Lily, Paige, and Rylan to grow! The weeks after I lost Heidi while I was still pregnant with the others, I felt like God had given us our own personal angel to watch over us. Heidi, you are our first angel and will always be remembered for what you did.
Heidi was first know as my little "Baby A", but she was named Heidi Michelle because of a couple reasons. First is because of her demeanor; she was the first of the quads to be conceived, and was very active and determined. It seems silly, but I even thought her profile shot at her 16 week ultrasound resembled me a little, so I felt that she was best suited to be named after me; so we passed my middle name on to her. “Heidi” was a name that I've just always loved. For years, I've talked about my girls, "Heidi and Paige" that I'd have one day. I just knew those would be their names. I always pictured Heidi having blonde, curly hair and big blue eyes. I knew that they would be my daughters one day, I just never imagined that they would be angels...
I never really saw Heidi, and the only picture I have of her is of her little tiny hands. Honestly, I was a little nervous of what a 19 week gestation baby would look like, but I imagine her being just as perfect and beautiful as the others. Heidi, you were always meant to be an angel. You did a wonderful thing by giving your siblings a better chance at life. You will never be forgotten. I am ever so grateful for the time I had with you. I miss you more than words can say... And I look forward to the day when we all be reunited together in heaven.
Looking back after these 5 long and eventful years, I am at peace with this. We’ll never know WHY or understand God’s reasoning for this, but I trust in his plan for my family and I. His ways are not our ways.
“My plans aren’t your plans, nor are your ways my ways, says the Lord. Just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my plans than your plans.” (Isaiah 55:8-9)
Heidi was too perfect for this world and gets to spend eternity in heaven. I am at peace knowing that Heidi is in Jesus’ arms.
Read more about Heidi from the previous posts: