Three years ago today, I wrote ‘Not A Happy Ending’ to quickly record my raw feelings, what seems like just minutes after it all went down… My mind was still heavily sedated and my body in complete shock. My life came crashing down on me. It seemed like the end. I realize now with a much clearer state of mind that that night was not the ending, it was really just the beginning of how the story of the Green Beans will unfold. As I sit here three years later, I can attest that the story of my Green Beans continues - and is and will become a happy ending.
No, I didn’t get the outcome that any of us wanted that night. It’s hard to trust God or ever allow Him into your heart when my babies all still died as literally tens of thousands of people around the world were praying for us that night. It’s really hard to comprehend. It seems impossible to find the silver lining in the situation at the time.
There were a couple of instances that week that I literally almost died - from a broken heart. It is indescribable pain. I questioned if it was also in God’s will to take me to be my babies’ mother in heaven. I wanted to go; I didn’t want to face the world that existed outside of my hospital room. I just couldn’t. I couldn’t begin to start over again, or attempt to explain to an outsider what happened to me…
We are remembering and honoring all my beautiful angel babies today – Heidi, Lily, Paige, and Rylan.
Well, here I am three, very eventful, years later. I survived and I thrived. Life continued to throw its curve balls, but I am stronger and better thanks to my time with my Green Beans. They changed me for the good, forever. It isn’t an unhappy ending, in fact, as the story unfolds, it has become a beautiful story of faith, trust, love, and abundant blessings. Its an inspiring story that will end with happily ever after…
During your short time with me, you changed me for the better - forever. You inspired thousands. You touched our hearts, and your impact on this Earth will not be forgotten. You inspire me to be my best. I like to think that you four are Taylor’s personal angels who look after her. I want to make you proud and I have a feeling that I do :) I can’t wait for the day when we are all reunited in heaven together as one big happy, complete family.
Until then, we remember you and smile.
I realize now just how beautiful you are and how great your affections are for me. And oh, how he loves us so, oh how he loves us, how he loves us so.