Thursday, February 23, 2012

The Story Continues

Three years ago today, I wrote ‘Not A Happy Ending’ to quickly record my raw feelings, what seems like just minutes after it all went down…  My mind was still heavily sedated and my body in complete shock.  My life came crashing down on me.  It seemed like the end.  I realize now with a much clearer state of mind that that night was not the ending, it was really just the beginning of how the story of the Green Beans will unfold.  As I sit here three years later, I can attest that the story of my Green Beans continues - and is and will become a happy ending.

No, I didn’t get the outcome that any of us wanted that night.  It’s hard to trust God or ever allow Him into your heart when my babies all still died as literally tens of thousands of people around the world were praying for us that night.  It’s really hard to comprehend.  It seems impossible to find the silver lining in the situation at the time. 

There were a couple of instances that week that I literally almost died - from a broken heart.  It is indescribable pain.  I questioned if it was also in God’s will to take me to be my babies’ mother in heaven.  I wanted to go; I didn’t want to face the world that existed outside of my hospital room.  I just couldn’t.  I couldn’t begin to start over again, or attempt to explain to an outsider what happened to me…


We are remembering and honoring all my beautiful angel babies today – Heidi, Lily, Paige, and Rylan. 


Well, here I am three, very eventful, years later.  I survived and I thrived.  Life continued to throw its curve balls, but I am stronger and better thanks to my time with my Green Beans.  They changed me for the good, forever.  It isn’t an unhappy ending, in fact, as the story unfolds, it has become a beautiful story of faith, trust, love, and abundant blessings.  Its an inspiring story that will end with happily ever after…

During your short time with me, you changed me for the better - forever.  You inspired thousands.  You touched our hearts, and your impact on this Earth will not be forgotten.  You inspire me to be my best.  I like to think that you four are Taylor’s personal angels who look after her.  I want to make you proud and I have a feeling that I do :)  I can’t wait for the day when we are all reunited in heaven together as one big happy, complete family. 

Until then, we remember you and smile.

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I realize now just how beautiful you are and how great your affections are for me.  And oh, how he loves us so, oh how he loves us, how he loves us so.


  1. Hi Lauren, I have been following your blog since the beginning and have been wondering about your husband. I haven't seen him and was wondering if everything was okay...Thinking of your during this difficult time.

  2. Much love to you and our heavenly babies xxxooo thinking of you always, Nan

  3. I love seeing how through everything you have let God pull you close to Him. There are things that we can see about God and His amazing heart for us through suffering that we are unable to process without it. Your heart is beautiful, Lauren, and I know you bring God pleasure!

  4. this made me tear up...i am so proud of you lauren!

    i had many of those "i just want to die" moments but i am so thankful that those moments didn't last forever.

    in the ugliness of our stories, i am so blessed and thankful to have found you!

  5. I'll be thinking of your sweet babies today. And praying for your family, I hope you all have peace today.

  6. *tears* for you and your beautiful babies.

  7. Lauren, you are an inspiration to me. You are doing God's work in spades. Love to you and sweet Taylor!

  8. I think of you and your "green beans" often. My green bracelet sits atop my jewelry box with a few others that represent those special in my heart. Thank you for sharing your precious story and your amazing family with us. I feel blessed to "know" you and your little family. ~Susan

  9. So well written, Lauren. Thank you for sharing such true, honest feelings--and yes, the Green Beans will forver be a part of your story, and it will end happily ever after.

  10. I had no idea that Thursday was the day... what a beautiful blog post in their honor. Not everyone is strong enough to let God use such pain for His glory, but you have let him use you, grow you, and turn you into an even more beautiful person than what you already were. I am very glad and very blessed to know you. :)

  11. We're glad to be part of your life Lolo!